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Where the End Begins

by Knathan Ryan

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    You will receive a limited edition, autographed digipak CD with a personal note of thanks from me, Knathan. The CD was designed by Chris Jackson with photos by Clementine Ryan and has additional notes and comes with a signed lyric sheet as well.

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1.
Will you love me in the morning, when I'm crawling into bed? Will you love me in the morning, despite last night- what i said? Will you love me in the middle of the day, when I ain't got nothing left to say? WIll you love me in the middle of the day... Ain't my love like a burning wreck and ain't my love like a heart attack? Ain't my love like a pain in your neck, and will you ever bring your love back? Will you love me in the evening, when I'm off to another town? Will you love me in the evening, when you're putting our babies down? Ain't my love like a burning wreck and ain't my love like a heart attack? Ain't my love like a pain in your neck, and will you ever bring your love back? C'mon girl- I'll change my ways.
2.
I'm so tired of being away from you. My heart is worn out like the soles of my shoes, gonna tread the trail back to you some way, some where, somehow. I'm so tired of haters always throwing shade. Their cumulonimbus is raining down on our parade. My love has always ever been sunshine and roses for you. It's only you, my heart beats for- I'll never do you no wrong. I'm so tired of being tired of being away from your loving arms. I'm so tired of looking out this dirty window. The scenery doesn't go by fast enough on this road. Oh, Greyhound don't break down, bring me back to my baby's arms. It's only you, my heart beats for- I'll never do you no wrong. I'm so tired of being tired of being away from your loving arms.
3.
Well, I'm locked inside this ol' house- day and night, day and night. And I play this here guitar on the inside, on the inside. But what luck, I am stuck with you - my Quarantine Queen. Now I see the grass a growing on the outside, on the outside. I don't see no planes, only birds up in the sky, in the sky. But what luck, I am stuck with you - my Quarantine Queen. Do you remember, once upon a time? When we used to go, where we wanted to go on the outside? Or was it just a dream, I don't seem to remember anything? Was it just a dream, a beautiful dream? And now I'm locked inside this ol' house- day and night, day and night. But I don't really seem to mind, with you by my side, by my side. But what luck, I am stuck with you - my Quarantine Queen. I'm not sure it's the same luck for you
4.
I'm a bruised heart baby, for your love. I'm a punch drunk fighter, for your love. I'd go to the mat - every round, with eyes shut blind I'm a foolhearted fool, for your love. I'd eat the cancer, darlin' for your love. Every one of life's mysteries answered for your love. No force of nature, can ever sunder body, soul and mind. I'm a foolhearted fool, for your love. I'd be pitied and disgrace, beyond a charity case, a night sky without any stars. I'd be the joke- blind and played every single day, just for a room in your heart. Seven levels of hell, I'd navigate for your love. I'd wrestle the angels at the gate for your love. Every heavenly host I'd take down, one at a time. I'm a foolhearted fool, for your love.
5.
Anxiety 04:08
And I feel it- I feel it. Coming at me like a thief In the night when all I want is relief I’m being crushed by the gravity of Anxiety...Anxiety I hear it. I hear it. Whispering voices isolate. Confuse and complicate. A steady hum that won’t vacate, with Anxiety...Anxiety Medicate it? It ain’t wrong Medicate for, how long? I need it. I need it. Come on just give me the pill Something to numb the chill The battle is always uphill with Anxiety...Anxiety Medicate it? It ain’t wrong. Medicate for: how long? How long? how long? how long? how long, how long, how long, how long, how long, how long, how long, how long, how long, how long
6.
I wasn’t well, and I took too long to tell you my personal hell had grown to a massive swell And I watched you die, as I stood right there beside you And I’m sorry just don’t cut it anymore My wires got crossed, and my navigation lost and I fell into the storm and by wind and wave was tossed. And I watched you drown as that hard rain came pouring down And I’m sorry just don’t cut it anymore Hey sorry don’t cut it anymore, and I’m doing what I can: scraping myself up off this floor And I miss you…you were the best I ever had...yeah, I miss you. And now I saw you with him and you were walking hand-in-hand And I’d die just to feel, just to feel your touch again But you reap what you sow and I didn’t love what I did know And I’m sorry just don’t cut it anymore Hey sorry don’t cut it anymore, and I’m doing what I can: scraping myself up off this floor And I miss you…you were the best I ever had...yeah, I miss you.
7.
Satisfy 02:43
Satisfy, come on and satisfy. I just want something in my life not to ever have to die. Honestly, quite honestly? I just need your love. Satisfy, come on and satisfy. Go ahead and bring me low, but don't take me from this height. Honestly, quite honestly? I just need your love. I just want/need your love to come on down Satisfy, come on and satisfy. Can you fill up this cup and never let it run dry? Honestly, quite honestly? I just need your love.
8.
I am discarded, kicked to the curb. On the roadside, is where I reside- where lovers go to walk off the hurt. I am discarded, like trash in the can. Precious yesterday, but soon thrown away with a simple flick of the hand. Oh I am broken, but beautiful. Your love I want to soak into my soul Life goes by so fast. Feels like the future is the past. Love is only as bright as it burns. I am discarded. Like chaff in the wind. Let me go, where the wind may blow- I"ll be back someday, I just don't know when. Oh I am broken, but beautiful. Your love I want to soak into my soul
9.
Hey Rooster, where did you go? I wake up every morning expecting to hear your crow. Over rooftops, and under old floorboards. Out in crowded streets and across lonely shores. Did you see the sun- it's gonna rise at the top of the hill. It's going to rise regardless of my will. Hey Rooster, are you among the stars? I peer with naked eye, but I can't seem to see that far. Playing the melody, that ignites a million suns. Out in the galaxy where the hymn unites as one. Did you see the sun- it's gonna rise at the top of the hill. It's going to rise regardless of my will. Hey Rooster, where did you go? I wake up every morning expecting to hear your crow. I'll still take the stage and I'll still sing the song, and when I close my eyes, you know I'm gonna hear you singing along. Did you see the sun- it's gonna rise at the top of the hill. It's going to rise regardless of my will. The sun is gonna rise at the top of the hill, it's gonna take your blues away.
10.
Abide 03:24
If I speak in the tongues of angels and men But have not love, what am I then? I am just a de-tuned radio stuck on AM. White-noise and static, carrying on Faith, Hope and Love abide, these three...but the greatest of these is Love. Now love is patient and kind- it does not boast or envy It does not insist on its own way and do so irritably Love bears all, believes all- hopes and endures Love never fails Faith, Hope and Love abide, these three...but the greatest of these is Love. Glory, glory hallelujah - Amen. Now as for prophecies, they will one day fade away And as for tongues - they will surely cease And as for knowledge? It too will fade away But Love never ends. Faith, hope and Love abide, these three...but the greatest of these is Love. Glory, glory hallelujah - Amen.

about

After a long spell, in which a lifetime took place in the span of a few years- I decided to record an album to mark the times. Songs of remorse, joy, faith, doubt, love, foolishness, lament, pandemics, anxiety and relational turmoil...the usual musings. The kind of stories that get stuck in my bones.

A few years back I felt compelled to hang it up- as if I could just stop writing and stop playing. When I told this to my good friend and musical brother Cooper, he replied with a scoff, "Do you know who you are? Do you know your name? You're Knathan Fucking Ryan. This is what you do. Go do it." He said this while battling cancer- a battle he ultimately lost. I kept this in the back of my head during the recording and am so glad I did. Sometimes we forget who we are- and good friends, family, songs, stories can remind us. I'm grateful and thankful for that. As I slowly worked on these songs- some of them written through a severe identity crisis- I kept Coop's words in the back pocket of my mind. One of these songs was written years ago, when I was in a band called the Silent Ks and some of these were written on the back porch during the lock-down. Regardless, I try to lay it on the line as much as I can.

As I was preparing to step into the journey of recording, a week before laying down the tracks with AC on drums, my buddy M.S. Singer texted me saying he just got his studio up and running (Singerland) and wanted to test drive it. He asked if I had any projects in the queue. I told him...as a matter of fact, I'm starting to record an album at the end of the week. He dove in head first with his clothes on for a full dive and didn't come up for air for the next few months. It was awesome to work collaboratively with him- we always had a great connection during our Silent Ks years and it felt like we hadn't missed a beat, even though eight years has passed since our last show together as the Ks. He really pushed this project to where it went- always listening for the heart of the song and really trying to develop and explore. It was life-giving to record with him- we only recorded together in the same room a handful of times, the rest of the time we shuttled songs back and forth through the vast frontiers of the interwebs and into the confines of a hard drive perched in a soft cloud. I am beyond grateful for his contributions, this album literally couldn't have been done without him. A few others recorded from home- my dear first cousin Eric Englehorn, Kevin "Bumpy" Slota, Amelia Alberts and Nick Merz from sunny/smoggy LA. Thanks for taking the time to work your magic. Norman Baker, AC Purdum, Dan Wrenn and Suzanne Brewer are all Bruised Hearts and I am SO thankful for their contributions on this album. Their instincts and musical voices always inspire. I was glad to actually record with them in-person, for the most part.

I hope you enjoy this collection of songs, thanks for taking the time to listen. I hope there are songs that resonate with you and maybe give a lift or maybe make you hum a bit when you're on a stroll, walking streets, or taking time for yourself.
During the recording I was asked by my lovely wife Jessie- "why did you decide to record again?"...I replied, "Because it's what I do."...see Coop- I learned.

PS> I wrote little introductions to each song too, for a little history- if you like that sort of thing.

credits

released October 8, 2021

All songs written by Knathan Ryan ©2021, North and Rainy Music. Additional songwriting credits to Cooper Smith on the coda of "Hey Rooster"; Flannery Ryan on "Quarantine Queen".

Recorded October 2020-May 2021 at:
Bethany Green Lake Chapel, in Seattle, WA
Singerland Studios in Ballard, WA
and The Nomads in West Seattle.

Produced, recorded and mixed by M.S. Singer at Singerland
Mastered by Levi Seitz at Black Belt Music

Knathan - Vox, Guitars, Harmonica, Bass
M.S. Singer - Guitars, Harmonica, Banjo, Percussion, Synthesizers & Vox
Aaron AC Purdum - Drums
Amelia Albert - Tenor Sax
Dan Wrenn - Bass on "Satisfy" and "Hey Rooster!"
Eric Englehorn - Piano on "Foolhearted Fool"
Kevin Slota - Trumpet
Nicolas Merz - Lap Steel
Norman Baker - Bass on "Foolhearted Fool" and "Anxiety"
Suzanne Brewer - Vox and Piano on "Abide" and "Sorry Just Don't Cut it"

Thanks to:
Jessie Ryan and my family: Clementine, Flannery, Waylon and Harper for letting me sing and play loudly at times in our tiny house to record this. Thanks to Amy Wilkinson at Green Lake Bethany for coordinating times for me to record in the little chapel. Thanks to:

Raoul Perez, Michelle Woody, Scott Sund, Aly Quatier, Anna Guerrero, Jordan Conrad, Mike Ball, Ben Bryan. Ben Hinn, Jesse Quitslund, Patrick Ryan, Jenn Ryan, Shawn O'Neill, Terri and Bill Gregory, Chris Gough, Chris Jackson, Stephen Parry, Ayako Okano and Chris Gough.


Everyone who played on this record and to you for listening. Last but not least to the Good Lord above for picking me up at the end of the road, to begin once again.

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Knathan Ryan Seattle

Rock? Country? Twang? Rockabilly? Gospel? Garage? Yes. His influences range from his love of Memphis' Sun Studio sound from a very early age, to country, and the Seattle sound of his formative years and are the foundational building blocks to his sense of style. These influences are heard throughout his solo released work and in his bands The Bruised Hearts Revue, SonicDuo and The Silent Ks. ... more

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